A Hint of Madness
by S.J. Hatecraft
Summary: Welcome. Please note that any and all who read this are subjected to a dash of brain damage. It might have to much dry humor for some of you. If that's the case, make sure to bring a glass of water with you so that you don't shrivel up... Oh God... what am I saying? Read, don't read, (Don't Read) your choice. Fangirling, randomness, sleep, and gayness within. You've been warned.


_Somewhere in a small town no one knows the name of…_

Mike sat snoring inside a small office. If the building had adequate income, and up-to-date equipment, sirens, red lights, and just about everything that indicated DANGER! IMMINENT DEATH! Would be flashing. But alas the facility had none of that. So... it had no way of warning its newest worker that trouble was coming.

The said newest worker – as previously stated – was passed out in the most comfortable leather chair he had ever sat in. Over an hour ago he had stumbled in here, tired and wondering why no one was here to greet him. All he had found was a poorly written note that was scribbled:

Stay in the ofice! Or yur fired!

Short and to the point.

Mike could respect that.

Stuffing the note into a pocket he had found the office, and the chair, and now he sat there. A little drool starting its migration down south, taking the easy path along his jaw line, and his black hair a mess. A few feet away on the desk sat a bulky tablet (Obvious Apple product). On its screen were several camera feeds, all of them showing figures making their way towards the office.

As the figures drew closer to the office, High up in heaven God began looking up the name Mike Schmidt and frowned when he saw that the mortal would not be coming into his kingdom. He called up Satin to let him know he was going to have company.

When the figures got close enough to see that the office doors were open the paused.

"What if it's another girl?"

"Ya' mean one that knows about us and is just waitin' there?"

"Yeah."

"Shit… didn't think about that."

The dim lighting showed a large purple animatronic rabbit. Besides him stood an animatronic fox, looking a little worse for wear. Both looked towards the office waiting for the light to turn on, or for the camera above them come to life. But it didn't.

The fox rubbed his hand and hook together nervously. "What do ya' think Bonnie?"

The purple rabbit shrugged. "I don't know. Check it out Foxy, see if it's safe."

"Ya' go check yerself!" Foxy snapped back. He visibly shuddered. "I don't think I could handle another on of 'em. Those suckers latch unto ya' like a leech."

Bonnie nodded solemnly. "Well, at least it was a pretty leech."

"Don't remind me," Foxy groaned.

Somewhere in a mental hospital several thousand miles away, a drop-dead gorgeous girl sneezed.

"Bless you Sarah," A nurse said before promptly jamming a needle full of happy juice into the girls arm.

"I'm coming for you. Foxy my love!" The girl smiled, passing out in a drug induced state.

They stood there in silence for a moment.

"Well someone has to check it out."

"Aye…"

They sat in silence for a while.

"I got it!" Bonnie snapped. A tricky accomplishment and something that he often liked to show off to the others. "Let's go get Chika; it seems like none of the girls freak out about her!"

"Smart thinkin'. Now c'mon. She's probably in the kitchen scroungin' up something." Foxy said taking off at a fast pace.

"Stupid fox and his fast servos..." Bonnie muttered doing his best to keep up. It wasn't his fault that the kids today – all four of them – had decided to spill their pop on him. Now he was all sticky and his movement was even slower than normal, but that wasn't the worst part. No, those bratty kids had spilt on his guitar and bowtie! How was he supposed to put on a good performance when half of his tie looked like a rainbow Popsicle and his hand got stuck so he could only play one chord?

Eventually he made it to the kitchen entrance and glared at Foxy who was grinning like a maniac. "'Bout time you made it mate."

"Shut up," Bonnie growled.

"And who's goin' ta' make me?"

Cursing under his breath, Bonnie pushed past Foxy and entered the kitchen.

Now, for as long as any of them could remember, no one but Chika came into the kitchen. Why? They had no idea, but there had been no need to enter the kitchen so they had left it alone. As Bonnie pushed open the door though, both he and Foxy were nearly blinded by bright light. And while their robotic retina were screaming in agony, they couldn't help but gasp at what was the kitchen.

It was a beautiful kitchen. Bright neon lights displayed a checker-tiled floor and some of the best kitchen appliances money could buy. A freezer door was partly open, and cool condensed air ran out along the floor. In the center of the room sat an elegant island equipped with its own stove, cooler, and wine bar. On one of the raised stools sat Chika staring at a frozen pizza sadly.

At least now they knew where all the money made by this place went.

A clank alerted her to visitors and she turned to see Bonnie and Foxy staring. Foxy's bottom jaw sat against the floor. "Oh hi guys!"

Closing his mouth, Bonnie began helping Foxy put his jaw back together.

"Well, don't trip over yourself in saying hello," Chika huffed.

"Sorry… But… Foxy… Dropped his jaw." Bonnie grunted, pressing the jaw forcefully into place. With a snap it… well, snapped into place and Foxy held it there, his eyes oiling in pain.

"Welcome to the kitchen, where we are unfortunately unable to cook anything whatsoever," Chika said, making a wide sweep with her arm. "If you want, you could stare at this frozen pizza with me until you become depressed enough to go kill the night guard."

"About that…" Bonnie began. He became distracted as his eyes were drawn to a gold encrusted broom.

"We be thinkin' that the new night guard is another girlie," Foxy stated, wiping away the oil tears.

Chika rolled her eyes. "Please tell me she wasn't taking off her clothes already."

"We didn't get a good look, and thought that ya' would be a better pick in findin' out," Foxy said. He eyed the pizza. "And that there pizza does look good. Why can't we cook it?"

"Because everything in here is touchscreen." With a sigh Chika stood up and walked past the two. "Now come on, let's send another one packing."

The two animatronics nodded and followed. The kitchen after all was her domain and besides, the lights shut off as soon as she was outside the door. It was kinda' hard to ogle at stuff in complete darkness.

Down the hall, in the suffocating small room, Mike continued to saw huge redwood logs. And by big, I mean the ones that environmentalists would have a heart attack over if you even mentioned a carpenter in the general area.

Now, a question that many would have is: why was there no other instructions for Mike? Surely they would have left at least left a recording on the ancient behemoth they call a phone sitting on the desk?

Well, it just so happens that when Mike came stumbling in and found the chair. His feet had gotten caught in several wires. One of the unfortunate wires that got unexpectantly attacked by a rubber 9 and-a-half monster named VANS belonged to that said phone. Now the poor thing sat lifeless on the desk, no more useful than the dark speakers it sat next to. It had indeed contained a vital message made by the very first night guard, who in our case we'll name Jerry.

The message was partly a joke, partly the truth, and partly the methamphetamines Jerry had been on when he had made the message, but to Jerry it didn't matter anymore as well… his story isn't important. All you need to know is that it had a shovel, a Platypus, and a Snickers candy bar involved.

Un(fortunately) for Mike, he never got to hear the massage and therefore was not prepared for what was about to happen.


End file.
